The loneliness/solitude
I didn't see the loneliness coming, the solitude I craved turned on me. I'm trying to reach out, to feel some sort of connection. But I won't beg for it, I deserve to be wanted.
Gathering thoughts…
Gathering thoughts…
A world of little thoughts.
I didn't see the loneliness coming, the solitude I craved turned on me. I'm trying to reach out, to feel some sort of connection. But I won't beg for it, I deserve to be wanted.
I'm an introvert with no sense of how to mingle socially. It becomes incredibly awkward in social settings but not on social virtual settings. This is where I thrive. This is where I talk. This is where I consume. This is home.
to build a resilient & flexible system, you need iteration. it’s inevitable. a system can only prove its value when exposed to multiple different contexts. if it fails to adapt to a new context, it’s not a great system yet. as you iterate on multiple contexts, the system will progressively adapt to cover more edge…
This is hard to admit, but I've been struggling with reading long form content. Today, I opened an article, and half way through, I put my phone down cos I just couldn't take it. I forced myself to go back and read the rest of it. It's worrying me that my attention is not mine anymore, and there's a bunch of reading I…
então, eu posso ter demorado imensamente, mas voltei! e só finalizo esse blog quando atingir 365 posts. ontem eu assisti incompatível com a vida e chorei... chorei por ter me visto me despedindo, cantando, dançando, gritando, desguando sobretudo. pode sair, tá tudo bem. também pandemia. também ecos. também vômitos de…
reading Holzfällen after reading "the Novelist" by Jordan Castro is a special experience. it is like the same book.
i once had a piano student who had glenn gould energy a little baby of 7 or 10 years old and he told me he only plays the piano to impress girls i thought so young...and he already knows what life is about.
Are we getting better at recognizing AI generated content? I guess so. I read certain pieces of content online and I suspect those have been generated by the likes of ChatGPT. I am not able to put a finger on how I am able to do that. I tried asking my friends and colleagues and many of them admit that they have been…
- at the group meeting we were going back to the same state for the holidays, bonding over public transport - at the holiday party chatting about vampires (i go on a 10 minute tangent about iwtv); we decide we should hang on 1:1 before declaring each other friends; bit about me being a 206 year old vampire - at the…
Love has been endlessly defined—fluttering hearts, blooming flowers, soaring violins. These tales shape our dreams, but is love truly so theatrical? Perhaps. Perhaps not. For me, love is something darker, more profound—much like a horcrux from Harry Potter. A horcrux, J.K. Rowling tells us, is a fragment of a soul,…
We reset ourselves by feeling like we've reclaimed control of our environment. Most of us have learned repeatable behaviours that help us feel normal. I wrote about how a bath resets me in a piece earlier. For some, it could be cleaning or cooking for another person. Some people maintain to-do lists. I've also heard…
the most normal taste i have is in music. i'm really into the 1975 right now, but specifically 3 songs: - about you - robber - all i need to hear ("somebody else" is great too but it doesn't fit the vibe of those three songs i just listed that i feel is the best aspect of the band; i basically want to feel like i'm…
Ahhhh some days are experienced yet sit deep within my subconscious never to be recalled on. today could be one of those days...
Knowledge sets us free, art sets us free. A great library is freedom. -Ursula Guin. Public libraries are where we witness the entirety of human existence. The youngest members create their imaginations while the oldest are constantly trying to understand the present and future. The middle aged are upskilling…
Starting a company feels like creating a conspiracy against the world. Few people understand why you're doing it. Many question your decision making. Some feel their own values being challenged. My cofounder has mentioned that "time is the enemy" -- that we need to get our product launched faster and get to revenue…
furthermore, i think city folk and even suburbanites should go back to the countryside (because that's where everyone is from, originally; and before that, the wilderness) and start farming again i'm preaching the opposite of that movie "interstellar" where they make farming a dirty ignoble thing and make high-tech…
I have always found myself constantly searching for that one thing that will turn my life around. That one solution that will solve all my problems and make everything better. I remember times when I have lacked patience and have sought instant results. For instance,when I started doing yoga, I wanted to do advanced…
Ahhh observe from behind. an alternate message is revealed. is this a message you want to share? if not iterate on the original until both messages are what you want to share because the alternate view from others is just as valid as your own...
To be synthetic is to recognize redundant patterns in information. Familiarity arises when these patterns align with what we already know, while differences emerge when they don’t. Synthesis is about compressing this new information into a rule or simplified understanding, a process that is inherently personal. What…
Some days, my brain can be a chaos of endless worries and scenarios that give me anxiety. These thoughts can be exhausting, but deep in my heart (very deep inside), I appreciate this aspect of my mind. It probably comes from my survival instinct, a part of me that is trying to anticipate and prepare for any possible…
Today is my last day at work. Over the past 2 years, I realised for you to excel at anything, you need to give it hard work and time. All of us face the dilemma of making a decision for the future, but have very low threshold of patience. No one in this world became a star overnight. This is hard to digest but is the…
Tug of war can be a fun game, except when it's happening in your head, between your focus and your distractions. I cannot sit undistracted doing a tedious work for long, but put on a whole catalogue of good cinema and you will see me infuse into the ground, like becoming a part of the ship in Davy Jones' Flying…
Almost feels like people reveal themselves only on the internet anonymously nowadays. It makes me wonder whether she is reacting like this because she wants to continue the conversation or she is being genuine. Everyone has a mask irl. Idk anymore.
For many years, the river apologized for its banks. Whenever it flooded, it apologized. Whenever it changed course, it apologized. Whenever it carried away a bridge built carelessly across its body, it apologized. The villages grew accustomed to this. They spoke of the river as though it were a servant. They drew maps…
Mindset makes or breaks your success in life’s endeavors. Journaling is a tool that changes your mindset. I didn’t journal very long before this became evident to me. I didn’t even know I needed a mindset change. I changed because of my journaling. Let's look at two examples of how journaling changes your mindset.…
I think a lot about gratitude. Writing daily gratitude is a habit that changed my life. So it follows that I write about writing gratitude. Sharing your gratitude is a way to promote a positive outlook on life. I’m not talking about saying, “Thank you.” That’s a polite behavior we are taught in childhood. You need to…
A spiritual guide once to told me that "God is everything or God is nothing. What was my choice to be?" Once, when leaving a spa, the massage therapist told me "Walk on mother earth as you would want your children to walk on you." My entire life, like so many others, has been a life of spiritual seeking. Even when I…
Don’t fool yourself. I don’t anymore. Most mornings, I get this strong urge to just dive into work right away. Like, do something, anything, just to feel like I’m being productive. My hands need to be busy, right? But here’s the truth: that’s a trap. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I used to believe that starting…
- a girl who i talk to who is doing her best to be nice to me and listen to me - a boy who i talk to who is doing her best to be nice to me and listen to me it's like they're kinda trying to be - deep - interesting - thoughtful but they lack that quintessential thing. what is that quintessential thing? it sounds a bit…
I started writing around 2016. So its been about 6 years now, roughly. I started writing when I was a frustrated, depressed and angry college student. Writing saved me. If I hadn't put pen to paper, I don't know what would have happened to me. It feels like I am in a similar place in life now. Where I feel the need to…
It starts with a door opening. Then you just see a man's feet trudging through the snow on a horrible dark night. He turns over the ignition and the car's headlamp seems to appear in the darkness. We watch the car make its way down the road. It's the only car on this awful kind of deep snow-covered road. And then a…
How to gain 10 million followers in 6 months? How to earn 10 million dollars in 1 year? Aren't we all in this race to get results instantly? Aren't we guilty of comparing ourselves to others all the time? Your story will always be yours. You can't diminish your sparkle by comparing yourself to others. Because it is a…
I’ve been working on building some reverb tanks the last few weeks. I got the first one wired tonight and I messed up something. The two circuit boards, that are not connected, are somehow interacting with each other. I’m going to try and wire up the second one tomorrow and see if I can find what I did wrong the first…
as coisas mudam tão rápido né? começo de ano mais uma vez, estou mudando de casa, mudei de emprego e me vejo rodeada por caixas e buscando desesperadamente assentar. no trabalho, as coisas tão ficando cada vez melhores. completei três meses hoje e continuo feliz. quem diria que a minha enxaqueca semanal era por…
Eu estava falando bastante. Perdendo a noção do tempo de tão falante e desperdiçando tanta energia em discussões aleatórias. Perdi a noção do tempo na vida real também. E nem percebi que chegou o dia 20 do primeiro mês do ano. Menstruei. Farta e abundantemente muito sangue jorrou e continua jorrando por aqui. Nos…
In the early stages of the COVID-19 pandemic, the tech industry made two inferences that broadly informed strategy: - Software is now going to eat the world at a massively increased rate - Many people now like to work remotely and have a better work/life balance The industry accepted this as a package deal: fine,…
We love conclusions. Conclusions lend certainty to identity, relationships, and thought experiments. For instance, soon after a conversation, we are quick to think,"Oh this person is cool." Even with thought experiments we shade the experiment with what we know to be true from our experience. Let's say if someone asks…
last week, i fell into an argument with jaime who pushed back against my desire to investigate the workings of the orb. “theres no figuring out how it works” they said. “nothing here makes logical sense, nor should it. we just have to trust in the path that this planet is giving us. the orb is an opportunity to…
Focus is overrated. There, I said it. We’re told to zero in, eliminate distractions, and optimize every second. “Deep work” or whatever the latest productivity cult is preaching. But constant focus? It’s not a superpower. It’s a CAGE. Your best ideas don’t show up when you’re grinding away, when you're trying to force…
Tengo una conexión muy fuerte con las bicicletas, en 2015 fundé mi primer estudio de diseño de productos. El concepto de mi estudio era crear productos especialmente para la industria del ciclismo. Mi sensei (DEP) tenía pegado en su laboratorio/taller un poster con la imagen de una abeja, y en el pie del poster tenía…
i'm really glad that my friend is a big lana del rey fan; i almost feel like that's his defining personality trait: love for lana del rey; and he tells me things about her and he sent me an article about her and i keep thinking about it... i'm eating haribo happy cola because lana's song title "cola" gave me a sudden…
Writing is a two prong thing for me. First, the process of thinking and writing itself is enjoyable and vaguely satisfying. Secondly, well crafted words can command enormous influence. Every good story, instruction or code starts with a written word. But what's also true is that writing regularly is hard work. It's…
Well, I asked for a piano keyboard and Santa delivered. Sitting right next to me is a second-to-cheapest-I-could-find 88-key keyboard with a stand and seat. I have been using FlowKey about 30 minutes a night. When I was between eight years old, I took piano lessons. I quite after three months. Learning the piano is…
When a technologist designs a solution for a specific community, particularly one they live in, unintended consequences are more manageable. But when that same solution is massively scaled, we have to carefully consider three concepts: 1. The technologies we create reflect what we value, but they don’t necessarily…
we hung out with a new sailor today; well, new to us, not new to sailing. and we did NOT hit it off. at some point i could feel that he was trying to leave. it was like he was waiting for us to say something that we never ended up saying. what was it that he wanted us to say? i wonder what it is that made me hit it…
Giving a gift or receiving one is so complex, right? One never quite knows what someone would like. We're grappling with how useful, grand, meaningful, or liked a gift will be. The anxiety around a good gift never ends because, for the one giving, it is a matter of 'how well did I do?'. For the one receiving it, there…
From Write of Passage, Peek-a-Boo and Pocket Pool - https://www.shirleyfrivera.com/blog/peek-a-boo-and-pocket-pool - the following are edited excerpts "... where what you saw was not quite the complete reality of what it was." COFFEE BREAK ... awarded an unprecedented salary increase. Cornered by a Principal in a…
I started this year, finding out my supposed boyfriend had a pregnant finace. It was a nasty experience, but I had to forgive myself and forgive him to forge ahead.