leather black jeans on

"For my theme song, my leather black jeans on" are the two first bars on Kanye's song "Black Skin Head" from his album "Yeezus".

If you don't know the background of the album, Yeezus, it's basically a huge "fuck you" to the entire hip-hop industry and it's Kanye truly accepting who he is as a person and doing whatever the fuck he wants.

Basically the entire opposite of how I was raised as an Asian Canadian, where our culture pushed me to be quiet, polite, humble and not say what's on my mind.

I definitely grew out of it a bit. I try to say what's on my mind as much as I can, but there's always this quietness and politeness that is present.

But there are a few times where I feel that I'm metaphorically putting on my leather black jeans on and it's when I play volleyball. When I'm playing really well, I feel that my confidence and internal dialogue starts to trend towards cockiness. And let me tell you, it feels GOOD. Especially when I'm playing well, blocking everyone and winning points for my team. There's moments where I know I'm the best player on the team and also act on it.

And then, suddenly, I remember who I'm supposed to be. Quiet. Polite. Humble. And I almost force myself to not play as well because I feel bad for the other team, that I'm not supposed to feel this way.

I remember how I'm afraid that others will see me as the "bad guy", so instead I go back to the small nice person I grew up to be.

Listening to Kanye is not for everyone, but sometimes I just wish that I could put my leather black jeans on and not give a fuck.