Taxi Driver

I procured a taxi driver poster at 18. It followed me everywhere since then, much like loneliness did with De Niro in the same movie. The poster was perhaps a silent token of my acknowledgement of my struggles with loneliness. Upon graduating, presuming that perhaps loneliness would no longer follow me, I left my beloved token.

Now that im a few months into working, I miss my poster. This silly albatross continues to hang over my neck. My feeble support system contains 4 friends at best. All at varying distances and know pieces of me. But will be barred from ever piecing the pieces together.

And so, i drown myself in fitness and music. Workouts growing more and more agitated, music growing louder and louder. Apps like hinge and bumble fill a void for a few moments, a friendly DM from a woman I don't know to a man I don't know.

And jesus christ, no wonder adults are so lonely - its an obstacle course to make friends. Everyone's got responsibilities and people they'd want to meet first with the little free time they have, I don't blame them that Im at the end of the queue.

Things should get better I imagine, they must. To be trapped in this city, with this life would be misery. I need to push on. I need to push on.