I love my job, and yet I fear it.

I realized today that, it's entirely possible for my work to be tracking my every movement. When I open my laptop, when I'm idle, when I clock out - everything is checked.

If they looked, they'd see how much time I waste thinking, doing my work outside the device they track me on. I wonder if in those moments, they too, look for me.

Regardless, I should've been more disciplined. I should be more disciplined now. All they ask of me is 8 hours a day - of my best self, of the designer they saw potential in. I shouldn't be failing them so early on.

I shouldn't be taking spin classes in the evenings. I should be having quick dinners, doing meal preps daily and taking my breaks just in between - but always, always focused on working and designing. The other designers, they work so fine and they do well spending 3-4 days on looks and feels and yet, here I am... stressing over how to do my work well and how to do it fast.

Weekends are for rest. Weekdays are for work. Even if it means working early - as long as I'm not over-timing, it should be fine, right?

But I need to be better. Tomorrow. Boundaries, they should be taken seriously. We're so much better than we are right now.

I love my job. I fear failing it.