Never miss an opportunity to "get real"

As a man, a husband, in my forties, who has moved more than 5 times in my life and had to get a new collection of local friends, one piece of advice I wish I could give myself is: never is an opportunity to "get real" with someone.

When folks ask: "how's it going?" the reflex is to keep the response as shallow as possible: "fine. great. How are you?" It's human nature to deflect the opportunity to be vulnerable.

I strike this up to my fear of rejection. Fear that my problems won't be shared, that I have a terminal condition of uniqueness in life that my friend can't possibly understand. And I miss that opportunity to take the relationship to a deeper level.

The truth, as I have experienced it, is that we all suffer at timesd, in someways that are unique in the details, but in general are simply part of the human condition.

The fear that keeps me from being open is also a dangerous barrier to finding companionship and deeper relationships. It's a fear that will keep me feeling isolated from the world and from my friends.

Having said this, I have, for some time, been a bit more open. You wanna dance? Let's dance. If you asking me how I am doing, I am going to give you the business. I have a marriage. I have a wife. Sometimes I experience marital "problems." I have kids. I have "kid problems." I have a job, I have trouble with my work or coworkers.

Most anyone can relate to these issues in some way. And if given the opportunity, they will seize the moment to share in the pain and let me know I am not alone. Then I can reciprocate. And the friendship deepens.