A reminder

This isn't the first time I am attempting to maintain a streak. I've done it before.

In 2019, I kept a diary and wrote a line or two about each day of the year. Sometimes it would be detailed, while at others, not so much.

In 2018, I started doing the daily house chores with full intention.

I would help at home as often as possible because it helped me feel calm. But by December, I was noticing a pattern in my behavior.

The pattern had to do with inconsistency. I'm unsure if it was the numerous and wildly different things I wanted to be consistent with or just personal incompetence.

I would drop the ball on things soon after I felt a little bit confident. How odd.

I enjoyed the daily chores because they helped me feel calm, but at the same time, avoiding being consistent with new activities. Was I merely trying to gauge if I could do a new task? Maybe.

Did I overcome the pattern? Kind off.

Other than maintaining that dairy for 2019, I drastically reduced what I expected of myself. That cycle of dreaming about a thing, trying it for some time, and then abruptly ending it felt hollow. As if I'd never be good enough to keep up.

In 2020, I took a stab at a consistency of a specific kind. I would practice math for entrance exams, wake up early, had quit Instagram. It was functional.

How did it change things?

For one, I felt a bit more competent about tasks that, at some point, felt discomforting.

But 2020 left me with even fewer expectations of myself.

I did the tasks I enjoyed, practicing them whenever I felt like it.

Turns out, enjoyment, and not consistency, was the issue.

Consistency followed.