tiger attack

i have to treat myself like prey

because i am loathe to follow the commands of both internal and external expectation, i cannot declare: "this is what i'm going to do today" and follow through

the only way i can behave is to stfu about what i'm going to do and just do it.

the only way is to say NOTHING AND JUST DO IT.

sneaking around, not making a sound...AND POUNCE ON MYSELF

i swear my dopamine system as whole disintegrates in the presence of expectations or obligations

this is good though -- i quite like being the way i am because i like surprises (good ones only though tbh)