Why am I like this?

Our friends say they’ve experienced a lot of goodbyes and they used to not bother even saying hello until they learned that there’s a possibility you see each other again and that possibility makes the hello and intermittent goodbyes worthwhile.

But there are many people I miss who I will never see again.

The feeling of loss is not only about the “top billed” but supporting roles as well. And the feeling may be completely one-sided ; my middle school best friend is probably too busy with her kid now to wonder about me. But I feel stuck inside of a glass cage I can’t reach out of and the breathable air inside is diminishing.

What would it take to break open the glass?

Monkhood.

I keep thinking about how much sense it makes to be a monk. But it is a bit cowardly to leave everything. It’s so brave and so cowardly too. To rid of problems by ignoring them.