thinking in public
a big block to my introspection/writing has been my poor wifi
i just prefer to put my thoughts out there
i can feel the judgment already...from older folk like byung chul han who think that this lack of privacy is in a sense a lack of "ritual" and that i have made my "temple" of thoughts into a "museum"
but i do have ultra-private thoughts too...i put those in an app on my phone...
i just have a lot of thoughts that don't feel like they need to hide out
what's wrong with sharing them?
over the past few years, i've somehow gathered a little group of people who care about what i think, because they believe i'm smart/think well
i feel like saying something about it but feelings are hard to talk about
i feel:
- that i willed this to happen
- that it is not a miracle or a mystery
- that it is a combination of natural disposition and conscious action which led me to spend time refining my thoughts and to make a habit of thinking...and i enjoy thinking (i used to get "you're overthinking" a lot but i think "overthinking" is always related to unproductive, circular thinking; the kind of thinking that is fun is not that kind)
- that i am somewhat flattered
- somewhat dismayed as well, because they behave like students in front of a teacher, and i used to have friends with whom i had exchanges and conversions...but now it's like i'm being treated like a content creator. NOTHING IS FLOWING BACK TO ME.