paradigm shift: books & connection

this is the thing i wanted to talk about:

i used to feel deprived in social interactions because i wanted something that i could not get. i didn't really know what it was exactly

but i think it is: uninhibited intellectual-artistic playfulness and uninhibited intellectual-artistic curiosity

i wanted someone to play with me on the level of ideas and art

and ever since i discovered that [certain] books can fill this hole for me, i no longer feel deprivation on the level of social interaction

[plus interactions feel way more fun now because i can enjoy people without expectation]

i'm making it sound like it's whatever but it is a huge deal

i used to be so angry at people for not living up to my expectations but now i don't care. it's almost like when you have a high salary you can have the luxury of volunteering at a dog shelter in your free-time but if you are broke then you need to look for a PAID POSITION at a dog shelter.

also my parents are super annoying and text me the weirdest things and i'm just like: why...

and in the past i would've felt compelled to answer but now i am so busy with books and art and friends (and tasks), that i just sort of forget that they said something and i have no urge to reply