nostalgia.

i realize i've attributed the idea of nostalgia to a negative form of idyllic memory. like the only difference between memory and nostalgia is that wistful and picturesque filter we view our own memories through. i didn't think it was possible to look back on unhappy times through the lens of nostalgia without mentally concealing all the bad that happened.

i recently listed to the new jid album "the forever story" and track 13, "money", really spoke to me regarding this concept of nostalgia. he goes from saying "I ate so many bologna sandwiches as a child I'll kill a nigga if he made one for me right now" to "We ate so many bologna sandwiches as a child I'd kill for one of them shits if I could have one right now" illustrating the change of perspective on these memories growing up that he used to view negatively. The thing is a lot of us go through these really tough, traumatic things throughout our lives that really hurt. but i think growing up really makes us see the bigger picture. i've felt very jaded regarding negative events in my childhood, and looking back on them with disdain neglects the overall impact that they've had in making me the person i am today.

i think nostalgia is a powerful tool to look back on our past selves through. to accept our younger selves with kindness, fondness, and grace. all the good and bad. and recognize that ever "wrong" step and every painful moment brought us to where we are now.

when i was living through those times, my past self really could have benefitted from that kind of radical acceptance. why should my present self keep that from me?