japanese

after coming back from indonesia, and having thoroughly enjoyed the people there, i feel WEIRDLY more /japanese/ than ever (having no japanese heritage whatsoever)

what i mean is that the "weird" desires arising in the hearts of a people who have been increasingly burdened by capitalistic demand, materialistic consumption and a life reliant on high-tech are the same "weird desires" which arise in me

(it's not that i'm facing these pressures at the same intensity, but i feel them strongly because i am a peculiar type. even sailing isn't enough nature for me because in fact, the way one sails now, there is nothing natural about it. it's very high-tech now.)

i may be wrong but it feels like having a love for nature and wanting to spend time in nature is almost like the "cool" thing in japan ; that's the positive manifestation of these desires

the darker manifestation is a high-pitched scream that says "fuuuuuuuuuck!!!! i don't want to be a part of this system anymore!!!" ("earthlings" by sayaka murata is the artistic channeling of this collective cry for help)