intention
we don't SET an intention -- we don't CHOOSE it
we become AWARE of the intention within
when i'm by myself, i flow and i get myself to a peak state of high but it is a very fragile state and very easily interrupted.
so i kind of don't want to travel this winter because i don't see how anything external can be more exciting than this fairy dust inside my brain. and i just want to put the world on mute and tune into this.
3-10x a day i think: i want to be by myself. in a room. no sound. possibly forever. but at least until i'm done doing the things i need to do. when i'm by myself it's like i'm on drugs.
whoa this is probably why i like to spend so much time by myself. i don't even know if i am truly an introvert because before i discovered that i can go into a druglike trance when i'm alone, i used to be afraid of being alone. i was always hanging out with people and never needed a moment to myself (provided i chose my company)
but for a while i've been working on achieving a druglike high without drugs and i realized this just works much better alone.
i feel i spend significant hours of the day just thinking about how to recenter myself so that what i want is not compromised but i'm not doing a good job. my days are so easily compromised.