in a rut (as a christian)

i stopped doing the things i started doing to grow.

i didn´t track my habits, didn´t do my finances nor did i plan my days.

i didn´t eat healthy, didn´t work out or do a lot of productive things.

going on the trip with my best friends really threw me off from real life.

the five days in which i didn´t stick to my routines and rules i completely lost myself in my stressful thoughts. i had no control over my life, thoughts and actions. i´m still trying to figure it out and am asking myself why or how it ended up like this.

the routines gave me stability, control and comfort. but all these things can only be found in God.

i have to think about all i did or do again and figure it out from a new perspective.

i fell back into my old habits. bad old habits.

i tried and maybe stilll am trying to blame it all on the times. covid, quarantine and lockdowns. i am blaming it on that and acting like those things shaped me so much into laziness that it can´t be reversed.

its simply not true. there is a way to get out of this rut. that way is Jesus.

but why oh why am i running? why am i sinning? does God still love me? am i still a christian?..

these questions are playing on repeat in my head. but the answers are in the word of God.

it takes you grabbing the bible, opening it and starting to read.

it takes you calling God and asking Him for forgiveness and guidance.

God is in control. relax. don´t worry.

these things happen. you will learn from these situations. you will grow.