Identifying patterns

I'm so glad that I did not forget today to write. Maybe I should allocate a specific time everyday with a calendar block.

I have been taking a class called 'Healing the Younger You' where you identify your behavioural patterns, your trigger responses and everything associated with finding yourself and healing yourself from the childhood trauma experienced. I do not want to make these entries so serious so soon. So I'll keep it abstract and a bit funny.

Due to some incidents in life, I have found self-awareness and tried to understand myself. Suddenly, it was like there was a light bulb in my mind. A lot of guilt, shame, sadness, anger associated with my feelings made sense immediately when I understood my childhood. Waking upto a sudden realisation one day where your entire life is not what you imagined is not an easy place to be.

But enough with my sob stories on this. All was this to connect it to my need for being productive all the time. I have identified that my overwhelming sense to do a lot of things at once, not able to take a breather for myself because I feel its unproductive, associating my sense of identity to what I have accomplished - all stems from this unmet childhood wants. Identifying this is only the first step.

No matter what, being easy on yourself seems like wanting to move a mountain in front of me. It is a skill that needs to be cultivated and learnt. I hope I do it soon (here is my anxious self rearing its head again :P) for the sake of my better health.

Here is to me taking it easy :)