Five years on August 9th 2026
More like five and a half years, something that began on February 14th, 2021, Valentines Day! A fun and joyful Sunday brunch with friends which extended into another impromptu meet up in the evening with another set of friends. A day of red outfits, red roses and endless champagne! Then the trajectory of dates started to change.
February 15th, 2021.
March 12th, 2021.
Then every Friday for eleven additional Fridays. Then four Fridays which alternated, because the drug could only be administered every other week. So the last one was on July 16th, 2021.
March 27th, 2021 was Jai's 20th birthday. April 24th, 2021, Ashish's birthday and June 5th, 2021 - Girija's birthday. Holi holiday in between. Celebrations galore! Yet, blurry and tiring weekends. Complete loss of vanity. Lots of laughter over shared meals. So many pricks all over my left arm that I lost count and became numb to the pain.
A decision to fix the date for Monday August 9th, 2021. Why do I remember dates? Perhaps because I am not able to express what I need myself using the spoken word. It's a way for my sub-conscious mind to acknowledge that something important happened on that day. And sometimes it is important to honor the unpleasant.
July 11th, 2026 was my five year scan. Scan-anxiety is a real word for cancer survivors and I felt enough of that in the weeks comings up to August 9th, 2026. A recap of five and a half years. Decisions taken in this five year time frame that this could be the last time before a diagnostic test reveals that the cancer is back.
The fear has been real and palpable. There has been no running away from that.