book addiction

when i say "addiction" i mean that it is becoming an actual problem

i've been indulging in books, thinking, "this is never going to be a problem -- i have never heard of anyone with a book-addiction before scoff"

but i've arrived at it

and it is terrifying

i'm becoming a habitual book reader and i'm not even asking myself "do i like this?" in fact i feel quite meh but i just KEEP READING

(the last few reads have been good but the pace at which i'm reading is so fast that i don't let my brain digest anything! i just keep moving on)

but i think byung chul han is doing me some good (oh god)

no really

he's the one who made me realize that even me, miss perfectly in control of her attention, has a goddamn PROBLEM

i started to realize that i have been consuming just a whole lot of information for no fucking reason

well i wonder if some of it is good

besides books i watch a lot of animal videos on youtube

i just wake up and start watching them because i don't want to get out of bed because it's cold

i'm a little bit like "fuck winter" but winters are a great time to relax and retrieve into one's own mind and fantasies

i think i have to introspect some

last night i was doing the proust questionnaire when all of a sudden i lost all the things i typed up and i am so mad.

i wanna do it again