September 16th - My life should be a movie (2/n)

Of a 5 year long relationship, I have continued to focus on a few key incidents that occurred much earlier on, and these incidents have coloured every single thing in our relationship. While I never remembered any of the positives ever again in the future, any of the slightest negatives later had an exponential reinforcing effect. The positives simply never stood a chance.

They have such strong power over me that it takes me 3 seconds to start crying when I think about them. I never realised how much it affected me, and I should have realised that at this stage, there is nothing that either Nelson or I could have done to fix it.

However, I was always aware (and Nelson told me a 1000 times) that he had changed, and that I wasn't observing the positives, things were not really that bad. Sometimes, even when you know something is true, but cannot internalise it, you need to know it is time to walk away. I didn't. In my quest to "do right", I did the wrongest. Pari is ESFJ. I need to realise that if I can think and think and think and reason something out, but i just can't "feel" it, then it is not going to work out.

I need to accept and take responsibility for not having been truthful with myself and having had the strength to deal with the situations and walk out. I can blame him all I want, but at the end, it was me.