On commitment (or lack thereof)

Last week, I almost signed up for a new course. Then I remembered the three other courses I've abandoned halfway through. Classic me.

I think I have commitment issues—not just in relationships, but in everything. I like having options, the safety net of knowing I can bail if something doesn't work out. There's this fear that if I truly commit, it'll turn out to be not what I hoped for. Better to keep my options open, right?

But I recently read an article that made me rethink everything. It argues that total optionality is actually a recipe for emptiness. The paradox? The more options you keep open, the less you actually have.

When you jump ship early, you can't develop the expertise needed to enjoy what you started. You miss out on the rewards that come with mastery — all those benefits of repetition until it clicks.

Here's where it gets interesting. I sent this article to a friend and told her how painful it was to read. She argued back. She said I'm underestimating myself. When I actually look at what I've pursued — my hobbies, my job, my relationships — there IS commitment there.

Maybe I'm just being influenced by this capitalistic need to constantly optimize and prove my worth. And what do we get from that? Burnout and anxiety.

So here's my realization: everyone quits sometimes. Maybe real commitment isn't about never quitting — it's about finding your way back. Weathering the doubt and continuing even when you're not seeing results.

And maybe it starts simpler: being kinder to myself. Giving myself credit for past commitments might be exactly what I need to make new ones.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have three abandoned courses calling my name. This time will be different, I swear.