always on

the idea of inbox zero is enough to make my head spin.

to be honest, I've felt this way for a while, but being available has always felt like one of my biggest strengths, so I've tried to put my head down and persevere.

the problem is the demand never stops. and the more you take on, the less boundaries you set, the more of a hole you dig yourself into. being in a constant reactionary state leaves you neglecting the time and space to process information. to sit with thoughts, to mull things over.

couple this with the blending of work and play, the context switching between platforms, remembering where you've said what, connecting the dots and keeping people informed, proactive and reactive thoughts, and balancing emotional availability with the needs of others.

i'll never get it right.

it's an impossible task. one i'll never stop trying to get right.

but it gnaws at me.

because the easiest person to let down is yourself. at least in my experience. when the stream of stimuli never stops coming in, it's easy to just keep swimming, trying not to drown.

and don't get me wrong, most of the time it's not a chore. I love people. human connection is incredibly special, and I am grateful to be surrounded by so many incredible individuals.

but at the end of the day, I show up best for others when I make time and space for myself. I will continue to work on setting realistic expectations with others, setting boundaries, and allocating time for myself to disconnect, process, reflect and grow.

this is a never ending journey.