Your body remembers!

It really is true when they say the body remembers, huh.

Storytime: 3 years ago, I thought I had someone special in my life, and I could sort of imagine a future with them?! I never told them so it is not theirs to carry but, valid feeling from my end yo. Aaaand, things did not end the way that I had hoped for.

Cut to big 2026. I noticed the similar pattern with someone currently in my life and wanted to understand why. Writing helps me rationalise always [ hopefully I do more] so I sat down to do the same. Only change is I had a full blown anxiety attack. The kinda one where your throat closes and you feel a big pit in your stomach.

I knew how to regulate myself now better [ thanks, Farheen, my therapist] so I did atleast end up sleeping but the feeling never sort of went away?

So like the techbro that I am, I recorded voicenotes and dumped it into notes. Without going into too much details the crux was:

Someone can be incredibly special in your life whereas you're just another person in their life!

And ukw,

THAT'S OKAY!!!

At 29 I am now learning that how someone feels about me should not dictate how I show up for them.

The 2 scenarios I keep coming back to:

A: I want them to be an important part of my life.
B: I have to be an important part of theirs.

The distinction is everything. Scenario A is healthy: it's how I see them, not whether they feel the same. Scenario B makes it feel like an obligation, almost as if I have to matter to them.

That's deeply unhealthy and wrecks you.

But my first sign, the body remembers!