the catalyst

It began back in early march of 2024. I'd just returned from my birthday trip to Iceland. My partner at the time, recently unemployed had come along for the trip.

I'd already felt some resentment from having to pay for everything on my own birthday trip, though the trip was my idea, so this wasn't justified.

Upon returning to work I had been demoted, due to unsatisfactory work, which had came about due to burnout, being overworked and stretched beyond capability.

I broke.

Resigned to a department despaired by all, I eventually was crushed. It was then, bolstered by my partners insistence, that I went to therapy.

I was silently mourning the death of my father, being the silent stoic of the family broke me internally, whilst leaving the surface intact.

After the 3rd session. I made the decision, to end my relationship, turn inwards, and re-evaluate everything. Who I was, what I wanted, who I wanted and who I wanted to be.

I would make excuses after excuse, numerous justifications as to why I would settle for less.

I loved my father, we never spoke much, he was a stoic, much like me. He never had much faith in me or my future I think. After I failed in school, I was thrust into college, to do catering, my father's choice. I love food, but not as a career. He chose this for me as it would always give me work to do. Not that anyone saw COVID coming, and it's effect on hospitality as a whole.

The final hurdle lies in my lifes purpose. I know everything else I want. Love, a husband, kids, mind-blowing sex, but where do I go from here?