Taking a break

I've spent so much time in one mode of living (ie the aspirant mode) that something else feels foreign and alien, something abnormal and even wrong. I crave the familiarity, the structure, the discipline of the routine. I crave the sense of purpose it provides.

Yet I must also begin to understand that living in just one mode isn't living. It's a limited existence. Limited in scope, in thinking, in openness to new experiences. I need to be out there, alive. I need to rediscover what it means to be me.

So I will get out of this rut and do things I don't normally do. Like travel, meet new people. I will become that version of myself which has been subdued for so long, even if at first it feels fake and artificial. This means being more sponatenous and keeping planning to the minimum. This means talking to much more people than usual. This also means doing other activities rather than just intellectual pursuits.