on believeing myself

Writing is something I enjoy doing. Not because it's easy. It's hard, so hard I always avoid it. But It gives me a sense of improvement or fulfillment. ever since I've read "How to take smart notes", I've been writing more and more, for myself.
At one point, I wonder "why do I write?" To learn, to think better. So what? My life is the same as before and after I took up writing. The missing piece is creation: I don't publish or talk about my interest or my work at all. I don't believe in myself. What if I'm wrong and do harm to people listen to it. I shut up and follow the norms. I've been practicing intermittent fasting for 1 year, on and off. Because whenever my loved one criticize my eating habit, I changed for her for a little while then came back. Or when I wasted most of my time optimizing my note-taking system because I don't believe in my adjustment. I sought someone told about their system so I could duplicate it.
Now it's pure procrastination to me: an excuse to not do my work, no think for myself. But I can't believe in myself over night. Standing up for my own requires courage, which I don't think I have right now. So I started small, at family level and close friends level. It's weird I don't fear being judged by people don't know as people I meet frequently. yet, the fear doesn't go away. It's still there but less serious. it's a bad pattern of thinking.
With habit of showing up and progressive overload, I'm building my self-esteem.