On An Ambivalent love.

We all want, so badly, to be loved unconditionally but we struggle to live with the ambivalence of adult love. Adult love starts off wild and intense; strong and stubborn like a mule.

But with time, it weakens; eroded by the little things. It falters in the face of unmet expectations, flounders as our outcomes misbehave. And eventually we begin questioning ourselves, to doubt our own intentions.

We try to take stock of where we are by asking, Am I happy? Could I do better? Is this what I truly want? Am I where I'm supposed to be?

The adult life is internally confusing. Because when you're on a mission to do something or to become someone, there are days when you're passionately in love and days when you're not. Days when you know what you want and days when you're not so sure. Days that find you in anxious anticipation and days that leave you disappointed. Days you want to stay and days you're dying to get away. Days when routine settles you and days to shop for novelty.

Whether it's a job, a business, a friendship or a love interest. Whatever it is, the more meaningful it is, the more you find yourself having to straddle the complexity that is the ambivalence of adult love. The loving someone or something, wholly, with all your heart but still wishing they changed. Perhaps I'm becoming cynical, but it seems to me that unconditional acceptance is a childhood fancy. Adults have feelings as constant as the ocean tides.
Perhaps maturity lies in not acting hastily simply because you feel different. Perhaps it's in learning how to carefully assess the truth value of your doubts, because, as it turns out, sometimes finding a balance really means taking a rose by it's thorns.