What is the matter with you?

It's a toxic question.

We like to press ourselves with it all the time.

We use it to police each other.

Diagnose the problem. Administer medication.

It's how we like to handle problems.

The question points our attention inwards and focuses on the mess we're swirling in.

A better question is: What matters to you?

This question lets us pitch a tent in our own minds, it creates a safe space to think from, somewhere we can slowly begin to carve out time and attention for the stuff we care about.

The lives we lead, and aspire to, have been stripped of much that makes life worth living.

• Spending long stretches of time in nature.
• Working on things that are difficult but worth it.
• Sharing meaningful experiences with close groups of people.

These are not the hallmarks of our modern lives.

And we're asking ourselves all the wrong questions.