Contraindications of Ambition

AKA the perils of ambition and the loss of your home by emigration induced demographic change

You wake up today and you are not 7 years old anymore.
You cannot run outside and put your feet on soil or climb a tree with your brother
Outside is the concrete and the great unwashed, more people in this building than in your village
They never look you in the eye because
they do not have enough soul left to care about you

They will whisper goodmorning, haveagreatday but there is no warmth, just weariness in their eyes

There is no grandmother in the kitchen to cook pancakes with mango jam
Forget that, did you know there are no mango trees around for thousands of kilometers?
or coconut trees, or jackfruit, or cashew
There is some jaggery left in the fridge, but careful, it makes you cry if you eat it
well it never used to do that

Why are you here?
I ask you: what is wrong with you (just like dad used to)

I don't know
The fire burns somehow
I have strength enough for this, nobody is more surprised than myself
I feed it with fish, with spices, with memories of home
I play the hymns of my youth

I call a friend and we speak for three hours
I text another and we chat for three days
They are very good to me
I meet a girl who is so kind
I find friends (one or two, not too many)
I keep my eyes to the sun
Did you know you can look towards the light and step backwards into the shadow?

I am the luckiest man alive
I was raised in heaven
I left, but I remember still