Blabber

Today's 14th Feb, 2023. I'm 10 days away from turning 25. I watched a ~40 min yt vid about a college senior's coming out story. I didn't know him, he was a friend of a friend. He seemed pretty sorted from the distance, hence the struggles he talked about in the video made me wonder how much more there is than meets the eye.

I'm feeling confused writing this blog. I don't know what I'm expecting out of it. A part of me says it'll be a good insight into my current self for my future self. And I'll keep forgetting a lot of what my life was like, so this could be a gateway to the past.

Funny how I didn't bring up valentine's day till now. I feel in denial about not being bogged down of being single. Being in a relationship doesn't make sense right now is what my thinking mind tells me. And I'm not sure if I should trust it. I don't know if I'm more grateful about not causing trauma that being in a relationship would've caused (The past me had so much growing up to do) or worried about the potential learnings I missed out on. It's all hypothetical I guess.

I wonder if I should pay more attention to my diet, given I'm a bit more physically active these days. I think writing down my thoughts like this would help with loneliness. It feels as if the more I write, the more my thoughts are flowing out, and the more space they're creating in my mind for new thoughts to appear. And that is kinda what happens during conversations. Stutz had a tool which needed one to embrace their worst past self. Emotions need to be understood, not analyzed.