Being vulnerable and taking stock of things
The mundane daily motions of life often happen without much thought to the big picture of life. The thought lurks in the background, but is generally entangled and lost in the mental haze of daily grind.
Important takes the back seat, to cede to urgent.
Whatever remains of the time when you aren't working and aren't trying to sleep, YouTube algorithms make sure to entertain you with godly comforting videos to help brush the worries under the rug and make you feel good at the moment.
And then sometimes, there are moments of acute self-awareness, of near-psychedelic proportions (even without those red mushrooms, and mind you - I don't consume them). To me, it happens sometimes when I have trouble falling asleep in night and have no option but to binge on thoughts.
Such moments make your mind quiet and disquiet at the same time. They bring exceptional clarity to take stock of important things. You'll notice what you are happy with, and also what's causing despair.
Today is one such night. I am turning 35. And there's that familiar feeling of lost control. So, I turned to just writing things down and be vulnerable.
Things in the past year that I am proud of:
- Spent good quality time with my son
- Learning from many many inspiring people through podcasts, newsletters and books
- Experiencing life in a new city
- Conscientiousness at work
Things I feel guilty about and will work to change:
- Read more
- Write more, and write daily
- Revive running
- Meet more new people
- Travel more
- Continue higher education
- Focus on important than urgent
I know it's somewhat vague, but I think of it as a good starting point. And I hope to improve the chances of positive outcome by using power of declaration.