6th Dec - I told S how I felt

I couldn't hold it in any longer. I felt like a fraud for not having it stated out in the open clearly how I felt about S. So I decided to tell her.

I told S that I did not think I was in a space to consider her a friend anymore. I told her I felt very hurt and betrayed that she could just ignore something that was one of the toughest and hardest parts of my life.

I told her that it was not okay to me, and that while it was probably more emotional than rational, I needed to respect how I felt about it and did not think we could be friends anymore.

She started crying - which made me feel good, it made me feel at least a little valued to her. Further, she apologised that she just didn't know how I felt and that she miscalculated the entire situation. She also felt like this was coming out of nowhere. (you were dating someone I told you was abusive to me. I told you I was cutting that person out of my life, how could you have been surprised?)

I do feel bad at having ended a friendship. But there was no point holding on. Not when it caused so much internal pain and turmoil. If she didn't know how bad I felt about the whole thing, I think she should have checked with me first. She either didn't care enough about our friendship to want to ensure it could be secure before she started her relationship, or she was not that good a friend who was that oblivious to this aspect of my life, which is just not okay.