30th October - shifting to Bangalore
Today has been another day of just constant “Shivani-nelson” static.
On top of that, I saw a slack ping from Varun (top boss) on a thread, where he directly addressed me. Here’s me noting down how my body reacted to it;
- Immediate heart rate increase
- Sinking feeling in my stomach
- Thoughts in my mind about - “you must have messed up somewhere”, “how could varun be expecting so much from you when it’s only been a month”,
- Inability to take full breathes
- Complete mindlessness. The present went into auto-pilot and the problem was overwhelmingly in my mind
Also, is this cognitive dissonance or am I actually happy I didn’t go to the choreo thing? In life, I am so sure I need to have things outside of choreo to do.