23rd September - Urmi
Urmi came to Vizag to meet Venky and I. We have talked so much that we have completely exhausted ourselves.
It’s fun and nice though. I really like the conversations we can have. I know this may not be a group that meets often, but I hope we’ll meet at least some times.
Few important takeaways:
The 2 components of a loving, romantic relationship:
A. love feeling/ the intangible X factor/ chemistry
B. Love actions/ understanding/ compatibility
I am someone who wants both. I am a die hard romantic. While I will rank compatibility over chemistry, I know having love feeling will increase your willingness to do love actions which will increase the love feeling.
The two emotional types:
Someone can be like Urmi, Venky and me in the sense that we are emotionally suppressive or be like Nelson, Nevin in the sense that they are emotionally expressive.
A mismatch in this can lead to constant miscommunication and really feel like hell and mutual abuse. Once Nelson became the person who no longer believed he had the right to control me, perhaps it continued to feel like abuse because of this. But I do know that I am not someone willing to put in the enormous amount of effort required to understand and deal with this. Especially when I already had so much of a bad history with it.
Validation:
I seek and want and need validation. Even now, I feel like I want validation from Nelson for what I went through. I was so starved for it throughout my relationship. It feels like it will help, but I’m also realising I won’t get what I’m looking for. No one else can tell me what I’m feeling is ”right”, but it is real because I feel it.