18th September - anger anger anger part 2
I’ve been so supportive to Shivani. I’m so excited for her. That is true. But I’m also going through pain but don’t want her to have to see this because I don’t want it to affect her relationship.
I can already imagine nelson saying “oh, you’re such a liar, you’re such a fake, yada yada”
Fuck off okay? Take your own bloody opinions and keep them to yourself. People can have conflicting emotions and sides. That is normal. Rational pari wants things to be a certain way, and emotional pari is losing control.
News alert: this is normal and don’t you dare think you can again make me feel like a fake for that.
I care about Shivani, I really do
believe she deserves a happy relationship and I’m going to try and show her that side to keep her happy. This means I don’t share with her the truth about what I feel. Whether this is right or wrong, whether this is going to work out or not, I will figure out.
A pause. rational pari realises that she is creating scenarios in her head for things that never happened.
Truth: You don’t know that Nelson will react like that.
Truth: you are getting angrier with nelson for something he hasn’t done, but you’ve imagined in your head.
Truth: that this is who you think Nelson is, is deeply ingrained in you and will need a lot of sorting out and introspection to get over. You don’t owe it to nelson to see him exactly as he is. But you owe it to your own sense of peace.