Sep 18, 2022

17th September - Shelson 2

I think it will be weird and will take some time to get used to the two of them dating. I’ll need some time to recalibrate

This will be such different roles from what I’m used to seeing. And maybe I’ll just have a lot of difficulty getting used to seeing Nelson being treated with respect and love.

Seeing Shivani being treated with respect and love by Nelson will also be weird. Maybe it’s cuz I never expected to see him be capable of treating anyone with respect and love instead of fear and disdain and constantly explaining why they’re wrong and why he’s right. To see him do that to Shivani, someone he hated so much that he made my life so fucking miserable is just really frustrating right now.

Sigh. I guess I do feel betrayed by Shivani. How could she really forgive and love the guy I am unable to forgive? Knowing that he had constantly prioritised himself over me in our relationship? At least in the first 2 years. Maybe I just need to really understand and accept that - Nelson has changed. He did stupid things, mean things to you, Pari but he changed. And as per his words, he had changed a long time even while you were dating.

You’ve been holding on to that image, that hurt, that hate, only because it pained you so much and you need someone to blame, who is not you.

Maybe you need to truly accept that to move on.

But at the same time, I feel so fucking frustrated that Nelson seems to be shirking off his responsibility for my pain by saying - I wasn’t that person, you imagined me to be that person and got pained.

What do I do?

Personal Journal

Pari's personal journal

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