It's a weird feeling. The feeling of having nothing to say, to anybody. You can't go on dates because you've nothing to speak, let alone impress them. You fear calls from friends, cause after five minutes of niceties, it's silence of the most awkward kind. Actually, that's when you kinda get the realisation that you've nothing to say because if you can't speak to people for 10 mins straight, with whom you used to once upon a time would speak for hours on end, that's not normal. ACTUALLY, I've nothing to say now as well apart from the fact that I've nothing to say. Some people would say that it could be because you're likewise, which though comforting, isn't actually in the practical sense since the modern world runs on communication. Communication has evolved from being something used to understand one another to now being used to showcase each other. When several of my relationships failed due to speaking or rather lack of speaking, I blamed it on them indirectly, believing they provided nothing substantial to talk about. But staring at each other in silence in video calls from friends has to be the hardest thing one has to face, the gripping realisation that maybe you've moved on from them, yet feeling not really. Idk, I guess I'm just driving home the point that I MIGHT be empty inside. I say might, because I've lot of things to speak to myself, I do enough things in life to have a riveting conversation with me and I kinda enjoy the silence from external noise. Just me and my thoughts. But as humans are, one eventually starts feeling uncomfortable, mentally and socially, staying in one's of thoughts, which after a point is just circlejerking. But alas, I still have nothing to say.
