Gathering thoughts…
For two hours, I have been sitting on the second landing of the staircase in my home, staring at a space between two steps that lead upstairs. Everything is in its right place. I feel sad. But my mind feels warm, supported, and unburdened. I am safe. This place is as true as any other. Everything is here. Everyone is here.
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I might come off sounding like a sociopath in this post, but oh well. Here goes. I realized today at work that I don't like when people agree with me. I'm on a new team and I've noticed a lot of problems with our processes. There seems to be a lack of automation. Other software engineers may know what I'm talking about. Too many things we do require too many manual steps.…
I've noticed that, for some reason, I write when I'm unhappy. More generally, I often seem more creative when I'm less happy. How could that be? Perhaps it's because when I'm less happy, it's like there's a hole in my life that I need to fill. My instinct is then to find or make things to fill that hole. The feeling of life lacking meaning calls attention to the need for…
I wish more people would admit when they don't understand something. There's a typical pattern I've observed in meetings at work where a person is trying to explain something complicated or technical. I often see the speaker periodically asking things like, "Right?" or "Get it?" and everyone just nods their head sheepishly. But you can tell that they still don't get it. They…
I write software. I love software. I think software can be beautiful. So then why does it sometimes feel as though software doesn't matter? Perhaps it is because a program by itself is inert. It requires an interpreter to run. This is also true in every day life. A recipe by itself is not edible, unless it's printed on rice paper. A person must take the recipe and follow its…
Questioning the notion of free will seems to be in fashion nowadays. So what is this idea of "free will?" I think a lot of us have an intuitive sense of what it is. It's the idea that our personal sense of agency or identity is what originates our actions. Who does what we do? Well, we do. If you're out for a walk with no particular destination, are you fully in control of the…
